The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

The members of the famed ‘Donor Conference’ should donate some specs to the esteemed LTTE cadres. Why? Because according to the rebel military spokesman Rasaiah Ilanthirayan, first the LTTE had kidnapped O’level students on the 19th of December by ‘mistake’. Then he changed his tune and said that the kids came of their own volition, but were sent back later when their age was discovered. We must understand the plight of these poor LTTE chaps. It really is difficult to tell the difference between 16 year-old O’level kids and 18+ adults who can join a terrorist organization. Thus the glasses. It may prove useful at a later date, when under-age kids may go wandering towards the Sun God again.

By the by, informed sources at Lanka Truth says that the SLMM was blaming the Karuna faction for the kidnapping of 23 children all the while Rasaiah Ilanthirayan was changing statements.

Maybe the SLMM needs to be given hearing aids along with glasses.

You may have noticed how English words take on a whole new spin when certain Sri Lankans use them. It’s hilarious to listen to at times, but when it’s on radio or TV, it can vary between incredibly annoying to depressing.

For your amusement, I’ve listed out few words below. Of course, there are far more words, but I obviously can’t list them all here.

Actual English Word vs. Variation/Pronunciation

Chikungunya = CHICKENgunya (as in the animal)*

Excise Department = Exercise Department

Cache (of arms, for example) = Cash of arms (as in Johnny Cash)*

Lindt (the chocolate brand) = Lindut* (as in bonnet)

Condominium = CondoMONIUM

Putty = Potty (yeah, I know)

Rapporteur = Reporter (yup, should’ve expected that one)*

Forte = Forty

Except = Accept

Gimmick = Jimmick

Warmth = Warmuth (as in bonnet)

Blessed = Blessud (as in bonnet)

*On TV, radio and your average Sunil

Without an asterik means I've heard it pronounced this way by a lot of people at large - race, religion, job and level of education being immaterial.

To be fair though, there are almost as many mistakes made in Sinhala (being our national language), so what can you expect of English?

Aha! 'Tis the season to be jolly, and all that jazz right? So what better time to bring up the virgin birth? Except this time, it isn't a young lady in Bethlehem, but a female Komodo dragon called Flora in a U.K zoo. Apparently, female Komodo dragons are capable of parthenogenesis, which is basically successful reproduction without a male.

These Komodo dragons can apparently mate with males to have kids (eggs in their case), and when males aren't available, they do it themselves (not female + female, but only female).

Interesting, huh? So if we study the Komodo dragons long and hard (no pun intended) enough, we may soon figure out how to procreate without men. I mean, Komodo dragons are still closer to humans than mere amoeba, right?

I had a doll called Flora when I was small (no connection to the above story at all, but might as well mention it).

It's nice to know that the LTTE can match the Sri Lankan gov. step for step when it comes to splurging money. 40,000 sterling pounds for Anton Balasingham's funeral is a lot of moolah, especially in light of their recent struggle to procure arms.

Good stuff. Maybe there is hope, after all.

Before I begin, let me say that my post is based on a news item I heard on TNL Lite this morning, and further supported by an article on Tamil Net today. Apparently, the kindly leader of the Sri Lanka Muslim Congress, Mr. Rauf Hakeem was informed by the Social Services Ministry of Sri Lanka is donating 2 million rupees to the recent flood victims. Now isn't the government really sweet? That's only 3 (million) less than what they gave N. Raviraj's widow.

But wait. Hold that thought. 2 million - for 30,000 families. That's a whopping 66.67 rupees per family. It gets even more impressive - Sri Lankan families have an average of 4 people in their family, so that 2 million can also be translated as a sum total of 16.66 rupees per person. Wooooooooooooooooooow. Isn't that really great? Except for the itsy bitsy detail that Rs.16/= will get you nothing in this country, and Rs. 60/= will not fare any better. Especially for flood victims.

Did the Social Services Ministry forget how to calculate? Or did they make a mistake in their press conference, a mistake which they then repeated for Rauf Hakeem's benefit. Oh wow wow wow.

Being N. Raviraj's widow is beginning to look faaaaaar more profitable.

P.S. If you know anyone in the said ministry, please buy them a calculator and teach them some basic logic and mathematics.

Why do I get the feeling that ignorance is becoming a highly valued, ultra-desirable quality in most beings under the age of 30? It is really incredible to see people revelling in their stupidity.

I fail to understand why BU30 (beings under 30) find it amusing not to know the difference between Dickens and Dickinson, or Micheal Bolton & John Bolton. No one is asking them to read either Dickens or Dickinson. Just know who they are.

Not knowing the goings on of this world, or at least of your country, is no laughing matter. It is, in fact, quite tragic. Apart from shovelling cement or making coffee, I can think of precious few employers out there who would enjoy employing a moron. I know I wouldn't.

Doesn't the BU30 realise that to work in any field - with or without a college degree - some amount of intelligence, general knowledge or at the very least some interest in the world at large is required? Life is not an endless joke. People like Jay Leno, Robin Williams & Tim Allen are funny - but that doesn't mean they are stupid. Watch any of their shows or interviews and you'd see how aware they are, how capable of genuine thought. Is life really going to be complete when it consists of nothing else but shopping, eating, drinking, partying and sleeping?

I'm shocked and find myself becoming utterly disappointed the more I get to know the so-called 'new generation' of today. Most of them are ignorant, some actually stupid and almost all are quite unapologetic about it. What they hope to do with themselves as they grow older, is anybody's guess.

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