The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.


Sri Lankans must be the vainest people on this planet. Either that or they’re gluttons for punishment. What has brought this on, you may ask. Well, I had the misfortune of attending the Sri Lankan wedding. I am convinced that the only people unhappier than me must’ve been the couple themselves.!

Here is how the day went for the couple:

9.00 a.m. – 12.00 p.m. : Getting dressed, make-up etc.
Can you beat that? 3 HOURS to wear a sari & a suit? Just how ridiculous
is that? It’s as if they actually sewed the clothes at that time, which is how bizarre the time limit was.

12.00 p.m. – 3.00 p.m. – Photographs
If possible, this is more ridiculous than the time it took to get dressed. And for what purpose? Have you seen what Sri Lankan wedding albums look like? Three dozen photos of the couple primping, preening and posing at all odd places – the photo studio, the hotel, the garden…everything but how they behaved naturally on their big day. The whole thing is so fake, and the fact that they take three hours for this rubbish is criminal.

3.30 p.m. – 5.00 p.m. – Church ceremony
This was the first event in the whole day that made any sense at all. (Unfortunately, it didn't last for long)

5.00 p.m. – 6.30 p.m. – MORE photographs!
Did they really need more pictures?! Having come early, I actually witnessed the tail end of this photography session, which I thought was pathetic. The bride was fagged out, and could barely carry her bouquet. The groom didn’t seem to fare much better. The few words we exchanged consisted of a monologue by the bride on how tired she was, what she was put through the whole day, and how she can’t wait for the day to end.

Is that how a bride is supposed to feel on her big day?

6.30 onwards...
At which point we saw the Poruwa (Buddhist) ceremony, and the general eating and drinking. Once again, the couple was placed on a ‘settee back’, as it’s quaintly called, and generally treated like objects on display.

And we all know how much criticisms weddings in general come in for - the cake was too dry, the food was poor, the band was too loud...you get the drift. At the most, guests who came would’ve enjoyed the food and the hotel, florists, photographers etc. would’ve minted a small fortune, but the for the couple? Nothing but bleary eyes and aching feet.

For what purpose is all this show & pomp? For keeping the parents (who’ve already had their shot at weddings) happy? Or perhaps the neighbours (who like nothing better than meddling in other people’s affairs)?

Eloping is looking better every day...

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