The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

This is hilarious. I know it's way past Christmas, but it's still worth it, especially if you're in the mood for a good laugh. You may have to hand on for a bit, since it takes a bit of time to open. Enjoy!

"No question that the enemy has tried to spread sectarian violence. They use violence as a tool to do that."—Washington, D.C., March 22, 2006

Thus spoke George W. Bush, Jr. Exactly how crazy is this guy? Check out this link, which has a huge list of recorded Bushisms ever. It's a huge list, so you can just skim through it. For all those teachers out there, they can really use these. Simply give it to your class, and ask them to spot the various grammatical, factual or logical errors (and there are plenty of them!).

Few more examples:

"You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire."—Addressing war veterans, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2006

"I repeat, personal accounts do not permanently fix the solution."—Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005

"We expect the states to show us whether or not we're achieving simple objectives—like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write."—on federal education requirements, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

Obviously, Texas failed to achieve the simple objectives!!

The SL Gov. really is too kind to us. When they watched ‘Survivor’, they wanted us poor Sri Lankans to be able to experience the same type of adventures, on a far more regular basis. But they went one up on the show, since we have far more variety here in terms of the field events. In fact, it looks more and more like Survivor meets the Olympics here in the Paradise Isle. Few of the currently available games are listed below:

Dude, where’s the road? : Here, contestants can test their deduction skills against the RDA, conveniently located on the important Kandy-Colombo road, at the heart of the Kadawatha town. Any type of vehicle will do, including push bikes. At strategic points, you will be faced with a challenge: where exactly is the road, and where exactly is the construction site? Believe me, I’ve tried this one and it’s pretty difficult to tell, with the amount of sand, rocks (or boulders or whatever they call the small grey rocks they use in construction) on the road. If you can tell the difference and pass them with minimum damage to your vehicle, you pass. I’m not sure if anyone has won this yet.

In-pin-safety-pin: Remember the old school-yard rhyme? Well, this is like that, available in Colombo 07 and the Galle Road-Duplication Road areas in Colombo 04 & Colombo 05. Pit your wits against those of the Colombo Traffic Police and guess which roads are one-way, which are temporarily barricaded, and which roads can be used for travel. Since it has changed on an almost daily basis in the last few days, every day brings a new challenge. Recommended for those with infinite patience only.

Number 8: When you go for the practical test to obtain a driving (riding?) license for a motor bike, they ask you to drive on an imaginary number 8. Inspired by that, you are now able to do number 8 (and other numbers as well) on any road in Sri Lanka. Just drive (or even walk), to avoid the potholes on the road and you would successfully pass. Third-party insurance is mandatory.

Chinese letters: Open only for those at an intermediate level of ‘Number 8’. Here, you not only avoid the potholes on the road, but also oncoming vehicles and pedestrians. The resulting shape you make will resemble a Chinese character, and thus the name. Again, third-party insurance is mandatory.

Good cop, bad cop: Drive down any main road (we recommend Galle Road, Negombo Road & Kandy Road) and you can take part. Playing instructions are: break any of several traffic rules and get stopped by a cop. Test your deduction skills by offering a bribe – if you guessed right and got a bad cop, you walk away with minimum damage. If you guessed wrong, be ready to sacrifice your license, and approx. ½ day to reclaim the said license. Recommended only for veteran gamblers, and those with high disposable income.

Long train running: Available island-wide. Just drive through any unprotected railway crossing (of which there are plenty), escape unscathed, and you’ve won! Recommended only for those who enjoy extreme sports, as you may end up paying with your life. Also, full insurance is highly recommended.

Obviously, there are few more games that aren’t listed here, but they will have to wait for another day.

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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