The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

Why do I love the U.S.A? Nope, it's not for all the Big Brother bullying, Hollywood histrionics, Bushisms, unwanted invasions or even McDonald's. It's also not for the aid they keep sending our way, with stern chastising on how we should be running our country.


I love the glorious land across the Atlantic because they continuously make Sri Lanka look so damn good. They vindicate us. How, you ask. Have no fear, I shall explain.
Everybody deserves a fair chance. So when as a nation we elected Chandrika Bandaranaike to power once, Sri Lankans could be forgiven. But after one nightmarish turn at power, we voted her back in for the second time round! It was incomprehensible, and more importantly, as a nation our collective level of intelligence and self preservation had obviously sunk to an all time low.

Several years later though, the Americans came to our rescue. They too gave George W. Bush a chance, and with the help of a convoluted voting system, elected him to power once. But they came down to our level and vindicated all our feelings of inferiority when they managed to elect him into power for a second time! Hey, if the world's most powerful nation could be that dumb, we humble Sri Lankans couldn't be so bad, right?


But years passed, and again we started to feel like the lowest of the low. One of the lowest points came when a 100 year old (give or take a few years) pipe burst during the torrential rains in 2007, and we were left with a huge crater on the main road of the country. Could our self respect possibly go any lower? The near 3 weeks that we had to drive past this monstrosity really didn't help.


But when I heard the news this morning, I knew the Americans had once again come to rescue our self respect. An 83 year old steam pipe exploded in Manhattan, leaving Lexington Square not much better off than our own Wellawatte. In fact, it was considerably worse, because Manhattan has reported 1 dead and 20 injured.
All in all, I guess Sri Lanka ain't that bad.





How dumb can people actually get? Very dumb, going by my latest interactions with them. Listed below are the top three that I can remember.

Me: Can you give a write-up on ‘X’?

Moron: Sure.

Me: You can write for about one A4 page.

Moron: Sure…how many pages should I write?

**************************
Heard on radio:

“….the LTTE will continue to be prescribed”

(I think they meant PROscribed).

**************************

(Radio plays ‘French Kissing in the U.S.A’ by Blondie)

Colleague: What’s French kissing?

Me: (bashing my head against the wall)

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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