The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

Once there was a girl.

I knew this girl.

She was the girl everyone ran to when they needed help. When they needed a shoulder to cry on. When they wanted good advice. When they wanted a friend. She was everybody’s 3 a.m. friend. I guess you could say that she was the ‘go to girl’. They went away just as fast though, once their problems were solved or once they got the help they needed. Any and everyone who needed help, who needed her, got her. She was just there to help out. Like a cool breeze on a hot day.

She didn’t have any 3 a.m. friends. The only shoulders she had was her own. Everybody else’s pain was her number one priority, but her pain was not anybody's priority. Funny thing was, she was ok with it. She didn’t need anything or anybody. She was just there to do good. To help. And expect nothing in return. It was good that way. She took long walks by herself. She got mugged twice in the process, but she kept taking her walks anyway. She went to the movies by herself. All alone in the movie hall, surrounded by happy families and couples in love. This girl, she was ok with it. She went out and ate alone, sometimes with a book. She must’ve seemed mighty strange to the chattering crowds at the restaurants. She kept doing it anyway. Everything she did, she did alone.

She was so used to it that there were never any tears. Life was a bitch, and she had to see it to the end. But it was also more than that. She got so used to being alone that she stopped needing others. Whatever her problems, she could solve them on her own. If the tears did come, she could wipe them away by herself. Was there any hurt inside her…maybe some hurt she couldn’t quite purge? No one ever knew, because she knew to handle the hurt, and she knew how to handle herself.

The wall around her was rock solid, and higher than any wall you’d have ever seen. Nothing and nobody could penetrate it. Maybe that’s why she didn’t get hurt; because sticks and stones can’t really hurt you, and people were never let inside. There was no need for people, no want for them. Alone was good. Alone was beautiful. Alone worked.

Once there was a girl.

I miss this girl.

I want her back.

3 comments:

I think I know how you feel, but keep writing, it can be quite therapeutic.

Here's a *warm hug* and a *shoulder^ to cry on. Dont fall into that dark hole again. I know what it feels like, coz I've been there too.

i hope i'm not being too presumptuous if i say i know what you mean.

it's not as difficult as it might seem to go back to that place, that girl. once you get the first row of bricks up, the wall comes without you even realizing it. you can just enjoy everything it brings without bothering too much on building it.

good luck!

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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