The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

You got the best of me. And what did you do with it? You threw it away. I always had to be there for you. When you needed a friend, I was there. When you needed a counsellor, I was there. When you needed a shoulder to cry on, I was there. And when you reorganized your life's priorities and decided to kick me out of that life (without so much as a by-your-leave), I had to shut up and take that as well.

Did you even bother to discuss it with me? Noooooooooooo. I was just unceremoniously thrown out of your life like a piece of used Kleenex (do excuse the cliche). One day I was driving you to the doctor's at four in the morning, and the next day, not so much as good morning.

Yeah, and I had to just sit back and take all of that. I had to ignore the hurt and pain I felt, I had to take a crash course in insensitivity, and take it. You just got on with your life - I was the one who had to deal with not just my feelings, but also the curious questions of the rest of the world.

And now you want to chit chat and pretend nothing ever happened? How do you have the audacity to ask me about my life, pretending as if you actually give two shits whether I'm alive or dead? Am I some kind of puppet whose strings you can pull every which way each time you change your mind?

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to wonder what every look, every question, every conversation means. I'm sick of wondering how far I'm allowed to prod into your life. I'm sick of being looked through at 10 a.m., only to be joked with at 3 p.m. I'm sick of you blowing hot and cold all the time, and my not having a clue why. I'm sick to death of pretending that nothing ever happened.

If you want to be friend again, how about starting with an explanation? Maybe followed up with an apology? How's that for a start, because the way you're going about it just ain't gonna cut it.

Or maybe you don't want to be friends (A far more likely explanation). Maybe you just want to be cordial colleagues. Guess what? You're still going about it the wrong way. I still demand an explanation. I have feelings too, and it's about time you paid some attention to them.

But hey, maybe I'm wrong on both counts. Maybe you just want to pretend nothing ever happened. Even though I could write two encyclopedia volumes and still have more left to write, you perhaps, want to erase it all. Too bad you didn't think of that before you kicked me out of your life.

Because I cannot forget any of what happened. Because the hurt is still here, and so is the pain. And I'm so goddamn angry with how you think you can pretend nothing ever happened. I refuse to play your game anymore, and this time round, you can field the questions from the press.

4 comments:

Life is full of joy and pain.Thats experience. A person who treats you like that does not need even
a single line of thought. They are best forgotten. Try to get along with your life. Good luck....

oki doki - message loud and clear

I perfectly know how you feel.... been there... still there.. sigh..
hugzzz

hope it all works for the best..

Anon 1: You're right about both life & experience. Hope springs eternal.

Lady, thanks - clearly, we share a lot in common. As for working out, I doubt it. I've gone back to being persona non grata...

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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