The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.



I'm watching one of my favourite TV shows all over again, and am amazed by how true to life (at least to my life) the show is. In honour of that, and the fact that it's simply a bloody great show, here's a selection of some of its quirky quotes:


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Ally McBeal: When guys are persistent, it's romantic, they make movies about that. If it's a woman, then they cast Glenn Close.

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Ally McBeal: Law and love are the same - romantic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection.

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Ally McBeal: I like being a mess. It's who I am.

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Ally McBeal: I've been dumped before, Renee. This isn't pain I'm feeling, it's nostalgia.

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Judge Jennifer "Whipper" Cone: No, I don't think you're nuts, but I don't think that you have both feet on the ground either.
Ally McBeal: You mean some people do?

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Renée Radick: Well, don't get me wrong, Ally...
Ally McBeal: Why does everyone say that to me? Do I get everything wrong?
Renée Radick: No, it's just that what I am about to say may sound like an insult, so I want to buffer it.
Ally McBeal: Oh, okay.
Renée Radick: Emotionally, you're an idiot.

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Elaine Vassal: A lot of people forget what they're saying in a fit of rage, so I'll be happy to take the minutes.

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[Ally's psychiatrist plays a tape of people laughing]
Dr. Tracy Clark: Sometimes when a patient says something so competely naive, I find that my own laughter just isn't enough.

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Ally McBeal: Remember, when you're with me, it's the only time you're not the strangest person in the room. So go ahead, get weird with me.

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Georgia Thomas: Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else's?
Ally McBeal: They're mine.

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Ally McBeal: We're women. We have a double standard to live up to.

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Rabbi Stern: Are you always such a bitchy little thing?
Ally McBeal: Bitchy?
Rabbi Stern: Coming in here, insulting the Talmud, insulting me!
Ally McBeal: What kind of rabbi calls somebody bitchy?
Rabbi Stern: I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Ally McBeal: 'Cause I'm bitchy? God has no love for the bitchy?
Rabbi Stern: Get out.

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Ally McBeal: So how has it come to this? We're smart women, we're fairly attractive...
Renée Radick: I'm even hot.

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Richard Fish: She told her that you told her about what she told you. I'm in the middle and clueless. I feel like Elaine.

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Elaine Vassal: I'm sure she's quite stupid, and in time, gravity will get her.

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John "The Biscuit" Cage: The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of its people still are however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win, Ally McBeal.

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Ally McBeal: Maybe I'm happy and I just don't know it.

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Richard Fish: "Problem" is just a bleak word for challenge.

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Ally McBeal: Sometimes... there's no point in the truth if the only thing it will do is cause pain.

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Ally McBeal: The idea that when people come together, they stay together. I have to take that with me when I'm going to bed at night, Even if I'm going to bed alone.

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Richard Fish: Everybody's alone. It's just easier to take in a relationship.

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Richard Fish: Helping others is never more rewarding than when it's in your own self interest.

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Richard Fish: Let me tell you something. I didn't become a lawyer because I like the law; the law sucks. It's boring, but it can also be used as a weapon. You want to bankrupt somebody? Cost him everything he's worked for? Make his wife leave him, even make his kids cry? Yeah, we can do that.

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Ally McBeal: Uh, let the record reflect that the deponent is a fat, arrogant, overweight, bald pig.

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Richard Fish: Make enough money, and everything else will follow. Quote me. That's a Fishism.

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Elaine Vassal: Oh, forgive my bluntness. It's a device I use to cope.

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Ally McBeal: Whenever I get depressed, I raise my hemlines. If things don't change, I am bound to be arrested.

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Ally McBeal: Hi! I'm Ally McBeal, homewrecker. Here's my card.
Georgia Thomas: I already have it, thanks.

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[on Elaine]
Ling Woo: This woman drips with sarcasm at my personal expense.
Nelle Porter: Ling, one of the disadvantages of having magnetism is that you bring people out, people that otherwise would go unnoticed. The fact that she can be so annoying is really a tribute to you!

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Ling Woo: Nelle is like a sister; when she's in pain, I throw up!

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John "The Biscuit" Cage: [to Nelle] I'd sooner puke my intestines and snorkel in them than see you naked.

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Ling Woo: I'm rich. I only go into work to wear my outfits!

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John "The Biscuit" Cage: I'm not going through an odd phase, I really am odd.

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Richard Fish: Objection! Your Honor, this is boring!

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Ally McBeal: Wow... I have a boyfriend.

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[Watches Nelle Porter unpin her bun and shake out her long, beautiful blonde hair]
Ally McBeal: It's official: I HATE her!

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Ally McBeal: Love isn't always enough.
Larry: Yeah, it is. You go without it long enough and you realize it's everything.

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Renée Radick: A penis is not a share toy.

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Ally McBeal: Here I am, the victim of my own choices. And I'm just starting.

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Georgia Thomas: At the end of the day, life is just this big wall of reality that we all crash into.

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Ally McBeal: Maybe I'll share my life with somebody... maybe not. But the truth is, when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.

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Ling Woo: So Jackson Duper, you don't tell a woman your real name?
Jackson Duper: Hey, for all I knew...
Ling Woo: You knew me well enough to go to bed with me.
Jackson Duper: Look...
Ling Woo: Why the alias? You wanted?
Jackson Duper: No.
Ling Woo: Certainly not by me.
Jackson Duper: Excellent. Do I get to talk?
Ling Woo: Fine. Quick, think up something.
Jackson Duper: Look...
Ling Woo: We're back to look.
Jackson Duper: Hey...
Ling Woo: We're back to hey.
Jackson Duper: Ling...
Ling Woo: How do you know my real name? Oh that's right, I *gave* it to you. What an odd thing to do.

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John "The Biscuit" Cage: That's the trouble I suppose in coming at people with honesty, some times they counter with it.

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Liza Bump: [to Nelle Porter] Do you talk, or do I have to pull a string?

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John "The Biscuit" Cage: Love. We all want it. Don't all get it. I remember telling my mother in high school I wanted to wait for the perfect girl. And she replied, "Idiot! Even if you found her, she might be holding out for the perfect man." She also said I wouldn't recognize love unless it bonked me on the head. And I retorted, "Well, why don't you come along with me, mom, and if you see love, you hit me on the head so I'll know." It was difficult as a young man taking my mother on dates. And then, one night, not a date night, but just one evening, I turned to my mom and, as i looked into her eyes, I could see... she was dead. She'd passed on quietly from an aneurysm, right there at the table. All she said was, "Ip." Sitting in a chair: a quiet little "Ip". It was her request to have her last words put on her tombstone. And I see people at the cemetery snickering when they read: "Joanna Cage. Beloved Mother. Ip." I miss my mother. Even though she's not here... I know she's still with me, smiling down on me... hoping I'll find love.

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Renée Radick: Snow White. Cinderella. All about gettin' a guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it's the Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about gettin' a guy.
Ally McBeal: So basically we're screwed up because of...
Renée Radick: Disney.

3 comments:

love it!!! i'd forgotten how snazzy this show was! just adore larry!

Ha Ha loved Ally. One of the most wackiest shows at the time :D

I loved AB! John Cage was my favourite! "poughkeepsie" (is that even how you spell it?!)

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