The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

Be warned: as bizarre as the following two stories are, they are nevertheless true stories.

True Story 1 - Part 1:

A couple of months ago, I was involved in producing 03 TV commercials featuring Lasith Malinga. Last week, I had the following conversation with a colleague.

Insane Copywriter: Queen, you worked on those commercials with Lasith Malinga, right?

Me: Yes...why?

Insane Copywriter: Can I have his phone number?


Insane Copywriter: Can I have his phone number?

Me: What??

Insane Copywriter: Can I have his phone number?

Me: Umm...uh....I don't have it...why?

Insane Copywriter: Well, there was this interview in which he mentioned this doctor who had helped cure his knee problem...I need that doctor's details.

Me: ??!!! I can't just call up Lasith Malinga and ask him for his doctor's details!!

Insane Copywriter: Why not? You worked with him. Why can't you call him?

Me: You can't just call up celebrities and ask them for their doctor's number, especially when you barely know them.

Insane Copywriter: Why not? You did a commercial together. He should understand.

Me: Uh....I don't have his number (then I ran away and hid under someone else's table for the longest time and emerged only in the late afternoon).

True Story 1 - Part 2:

Later that day...

Even Crazier ECD: Queen, can you do me a favour?

Me: Sure...what is it?

Even Crazier ECD: Do you have Lasith Malinga's number?

Me:??!! (thinking 'oh no, not again') No, I don't.

Even Crazier ECD: See, the Insane Copywriter wants his number to get his doctor's details because her husband has a similar leg pain...can't you get Malinga's doctor's details from him? You used to contact him for the shoot, right?

Me:, I used to call his agent (blatantly lying at this point).

Even Crazier ECD: So can't you get the number from his agent?

Me: Ummm...let me ask client if she can help, ok?

And then I stayed away from the both of them for as long as I possibly could. Honestly, what on earth were they thinking? I can understand one person being crazy enough to think that I could call up Lasith Malinga, but to think that her boss could surpass her in a display of stupidity was incredulous. Next thing you know I'll be asked to find out who his hair dresser is.


True Story 2:

At a brainstorm for a cookery product with a shoestring budget, members of the agency and client were trying to come up with various promotional ideas that could be executed. The brilliant young AE from the agency volunteers this gem of an idea: a sticker that can be pasted on the bottom of a frying pan (or saucepan), so that every time somebody cooks, they are reminded of the product.

A gentle pointer that a sticker cannot be placed in the cooking area of a pan only elicited an even more exceptional idea: how about pasting the sticker on the bottom of the pan? After all, each time the pan is washed, the brand will be seen (never mind the char burned mess it would be after a stint in the fire).


Honestly, what on earth do these people carry on top of their shoulders, because it certainly isn't a head. Common sense is conspicuous by its absence. I shall not say anything ore, because I'm certain that these stories speak for themselves.

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."
- Frank Zappa



1. Im surprised they didnt ask for the hairdresser first.

2. Way to show that you've never been in a kitchen before..

You hang around a 'fun' bunch Queen lol

OK...True story 2 was retarded, just retarded...True Story some effort at networking for a good cause...what I don't get is shouldn't the doctor be listed in the directory?

Lasith Maling's on Facebook..

Maybe they should friend him and ask him...:D


lol... the sticker story is jus brilliant... hehehe..

n btw, err, i have this knee problem, and i was wondering........ :D

the second is awesome
bloody genius

Considering that the first Sinhalese copywriter was partially deaf and is the nicest & most -unassuming person in the world, I find her asking you that question nothing out of the ordinary. She just cared for her Husband, and wanted him to be cured.

And the second AE, wasn't she in your worlds 'really nice and loyal'?

I find it distasteful that you have humiliated them on a public sphere among people who do not know them and therefore are not able to see the whole picture and understand their personalities. This is out of context C, and I thought you were better than that... actually come to think of it... I didn't.

Oh me oh my, Anonymous, you never seemed that naive...or has the chameleon changed colours again?

'Nice and unassuming' doesn't quite rule out stupidity or absurdity now, does it?

Now sweetie, don't go putting words in my mouth - I've never called the second AE nice or loyal - only that she was harmless and doesn't means well. Were you high when typing this? At any rate, I must once again defer to the earlier point where niceness in no way rules out stupidity.

BTW, a half-eaten chewing gum that still retains some flavour could be called nice, but I'm probably far more selective than you...

I find your distaste amusing. I haven't humiliated anyone - I merely laughed at their own stupidity. If they don't like that, they should take more care to act with sense in public.

"Follies, nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me and I laugh at them whenever I can."

That's a Jane Austen quote, since you probably didn't know. Unlike you, who revel in self absorption, surrounded by one's own ego and a brigade of social butterflies (or are they something far worse now?) who are 'nice' and stupid and yes-people, I derive no such pleasure. If people act like idiots, they shall be laughed at. It really is that simple.

And out of context? Pray tell, how many contexts are there to such simple situations? ROFL

BTW, I recall you laughing about both these stories...must be that chameleon skin of yours. What else is new.

Now dear, make up your mind - did you think I was 'better than that' or not? If you didn't, alls well. In case you did, here's a news flash: I never made any pretensions about being a nice person, and if you suffered from such a delusion, it is certainly a mistake of your own doing.

Now why don't you go bitch with some 'nice' person, without trying to sound sanctimonious and self righteous? All you've managed to do is make me laugh, and at any rate, your halo has been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off centre for quite a while, so you're in no position to preach.

BTW, thanks for visiting. I particularly enjoyed yours, all the while you acted like people in the post (whom I kept anonymous) by sprinkling your comment with letters of the alphabet, physical characteristics etc in what is clearly a blog with a pseudonym and anonymity. Great display of sense!

Please keep visiting, because this is becoming quite fun.

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