The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

A very interesting article off Cosmopolitan, which I've shamelessly cut, cropped, edited and pasted, because I think there is a lot of truth in it. It was actually written from the perspective of analyzing a man, but I feel that it is equally applicable to a woman.


A person might fall in love, which requires the capacity to idealize. That means thinking and feeling like his/her partner and the relationship are uniquely special, enabling him/her to ignore imperfections (in the other as well as the relationship). This in turn, makes him/her feel valued and special.

Loving, on the other hand, involves connecting with the other person, understanding her/him, and wanting to be with her/him for who s/he is, not who you’d like her/him to be.

While it might be difficult to decipher the difference between the two, one clue is the test of time. Falling in love happens early on in a relationship, when a couple barely knows each other. Once they become more intimate and learn more about each other’s positive and negative traits and the initial love buzz is gone, the problems and fights will start for those who only fell in love. And the inability of either parties (or both) to make a commitment to each other should be a sure sign of a couple who fell in love, without loving.

Another major telltale sign of real love is selflessness and the ability to care. Relationships are all about give and take, but love is more about giving. An inability to make sacrifices and an inability to put his/hers wants and needs before yours is a sure sign of someone who has fallen in love, minus the loving.

Flowers, teddy bears and candy hearts are all about falling in love. I'll take the real thing over candy floss romance any day.

3 comments:

very true.............

A very interesting subject. But I admire people who manage to love, without ever falling in love. I cannot do that :( I really need to fall in love first... then the loving part seems to just come along without much effort...

I totally agree with this... Unfortunately, very few people know the difference. But might I add that what is branded as falling in love here may be better branded as a degree of affection just short of love?? Because my feeling is that love, as you aptly stated, is all about giving and selflessness- and it stands to reason that the former is more selfish than selfless, as its more about oneself than the other person??

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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