The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

With a friend pouring her heart out about her marital issues, I'm compelled to write on the topic. She's newly married, and fairly miserable with her husband, and from the sound of the story, he must be equally miserable, if for different reasons. Clearly, they don't quite gel, and they don't sound like two people who should've got married to begin with.

At which point I'm reminded of what I said few weeks ago about loving and falling in love. She clearly didn't realise the difference between the two when she got married. Love and marriage are so much more than exchanging rings, keeping framed photos of each other, and the usual candy hearts, stuffed toys and flowers. The love buzz is all nice and fine for as long as it's there, but can you really build a future on it?

Reality isn't a white picket fence with 2.5 kids and two cars in the garage. Photo frames and flowers don't help much when you're fighting like cats. People have to realise that to share a life of love, it needs a little more than just being in love.

The sad thing is, pride and fear will keep her from doing what she should. Too proud to say that she made a mistake, and took a wrong turn. Too proud to say that she defied her family for the wrong man. To afraid to face life alone, she'd rather stay with a man she will soon be unable to stand. Pride and fear are two terrible things. I don't understand how people willingly choose unhappiness over chance. I mean, it seems fairly simple to figure out if one is happy or not. And if the person you're in love with isn't making you happy, or is causing unhappiness, doesn't that say something? Is that really love? Would a person who loves you really watch you suffer?

I read on Cosmopolitan that sometimes people delay breaking up (or divorce) by up to two years, though they know that they should do it. How sad is that? But it's probably true. In the case of my friend, it seems spot on. I'm guessing she will unhappily stay in this marriage, becoming more and more unhappy by the day, but unfortunately, not having the required guts to walk away.

3 comments:

I delayed for six months once...funny thing is I had this moment of clarity when I knew, just knew I had to break up...but was too scared too...dumbest thing I ever did. Good luck to your friend...all might not be lost though...this might just be the phase where they realize that a relationship and a marriage actually requires hard work to keep it going...and not cooing at each other like an overenthusiastic pair of doves.

This is all too common in Sri Lanka... :(

It's a sad situation to be in. Can only hope things get better for the both of them. :)

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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