The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

A fool's paradise aptly describes my world. And I, the fool.

When I started out in life, I'm not quite sure what I was expecting, either from this world or the people inhabiting it. But in the recent past, I seem to have done a mighty wonderful job in deceiving myself about all the important things, events and people in my life. I'm supposed to be smart person - in fact, by all accounts, I'm supposed to be smarter than your average Joe. Clearly, I'm not. Makes sense, then, that I eventually pay for my hubris.

I amaze myself by my incredible ability not to see what is right in front of my nose; even after suffering third degree burns, I still seem quite unable to realise the danger of fire.

I cling, like a fool, on to hope when all hope is clearly lost. I make plans when it is futile. I actually have the audacity to think that I can change people, when I do not seem to have the strength to even change myself.

It'll be better tomorrow. Or the day after. Next week. Next month. The month after that. But it never is, is it? And yet, I the fool actually believes the revolving calendar holds hope. A revolving deadline to postpone the eventual unhappy truth, is all it is.

Funny thing is, it isn't even a very nice paradise that I've buried myself in. And yet I refuse to leave. Fear of greater misery making me hold onto this one? I don't know. Whatever the reason, I'm sure it'll end up making me the fool, which sort of fits in perfectly.

It's my birthday next month. Since I'm quite certain that the day will bring nothing but three phone calls and bushels of misery, perhaps it'll give me the push to leave this paradise.

But here I go again, hoping. When I shouldn't even count on myself.

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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