The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

Some people have this incredible knack for being insensitive. They can look you in the eye and say things just to hurt you. They have conversations with others that they know is equivalent to stabbing you in the back with a knife...and then oh-co-nonchalantly are able to turn that knife round and round and round. They are able to take things you share with them (yeah, mea culpa), twist it around, and laugh about it behind your back. They also have this ability to walk away when they see your eyes glisten. They can even ignore you for 3 days straight, knowing that you're sick, stressed out, underweight, and perhaps passed out somewhere for sheer lack of energy.

I'm beginning to think that my sensitivity to these things is a HUGE weakness. My inability dish out as good as I get is almost as big a weakness. Being good really doesn't pay in any sense of the word, and being sensitive and caring are perhaps worse qualities than sensitivity (and I'm not your usual china doll or shrinking violet kind of girl either).

So, I want someone to teach me how to be insensitive. Someone please, please teach me how to give as good as I get. And how to stop caring. I want a massive crash course in which I promise to dutifully study, practice and pass with honours. A few lessons on how to be rude is also welcome.

Wanted Urgently: A Crash Course In Insensitivity

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

- The Red Hot Chillie Peppers

So, was talking to a friend today. More like letting off (more) steam. And we agreed on one thing: why is it that we're supposed to act all mature and take the higher road when everyone around us are acting like total brain-dead idiots? How come some people get to act like 5 year old kids, throwing tantrums and sulking at will, while we have to wait patiently till they come around?

And we can't even think about pulling the same kind of stunts - oooh no. Heaven forbid we actually act immature, because suddenly, everyone will be screaming and shouting and in general acting as if we were the reincarnation of Jack the Ripper. Our patience has to be limitless, our understanding as vast as the ocean and our maturity level only needs to be slightly higher than that of Jesus. No, human frailty was not meant for us (only for our friends).

Why is it so difficult being good? Why is it so difficult to do the right thing? How come nobody appreciates it, and how come no one meets you at some point of the road, if not half way? I'm sick to death of always taking the higher road, of always being the mature one, and of always having to do the right thing. I'm not Jesus.

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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