The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

I was tryin' to find my way home
But all I heard was a drone
Bouncing off a satellite
Crushin' the last lone American night

This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?

I was spinnin' 'round a dead dial
Just another lost number in a file
Dancin' down a dark hole
Just searchin' for a world with some soul

This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
Is there anybody alive out there?

I just want to hear some rhythm
I just want to hear some rhythm
I just want to hear some rhythm
I just want to hear some rhythm

I want a thousand guitars
I want pounding drums
I want a million different voices speaking in tongues

This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
Is there anybody alive out there?

I was driving through the misty rain
Yeah searchin' for a mystery train
Boppin' through the wild blue
Tryin' to make a connection with you

This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
Is there anybody alive out there?

I just want to feel some rhythm
I just want to feel some rhythm
I just want to feel your rhythm
I just want to feel your rhythm
I just want to feel your rhythm
I just want to feel your rhythm
I just want to feel your rhythm
I just want to feel your rhythm

- Bruce Springsteen (Magic)

Instead of being my usual grumpy self, I've been unusually cheerful for the last two weeks. Of course, no one (aside from meself and a chosen few) knows why I'm happy. I've had at least six different people from office ask me the reason for my oh-so-jolly state of being; all they got as a reply was a secretive smile and a nonchalant shrug.

Sooooo...the natural conclusion that people seem to have drawn is that I'm having sex!! Yaaaaaaay...except that I'm not. It would be wonderful if I actually was getting some, but I'm not. As nice as it is to let people think that I'm leading a life that makes them envious, I do have to wonder why it's always about sex. Can't a girl be happy for other (more cerebral) reasons?

I can understand people making the mistake once. But having set the record straight in the first week itself, I have to wonder why all the guessing still revolves around sex, sex and more sex in all its various forms. In fact, I'm so tempted to give in and say it is sex, except that then I'd have to volunteer the name of a non-existent other person.

Which brings me to my next train of thought: is getting laid sooooo important that it is the only explanation for happiness? (Not that I was even happy - what I was was cheerful. I could or could not have been happy).

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex just as much as the next person (or perhaps even more), but I realize that there is far more to life than merely getting laid. I, for one would be just as happy holding someone's hand or even getting flowers as I would be if I had sex. It's a much warmer feeling knowing that somebody cares.Little things or big things - aside from sex, there's a lot of things that can make one beam. Clearly, the rest of the world (or at least my colleagues) think differently.

Aah well, till I have a reason that can be admitted in public, I guess they'll all keep thinking that I'm getting what I'm not.

Relationships hurt. Being in love hurts. Unrequited love, perhaps, hurts more than both. And it's even worse when you feel like you are all alone in the world, with no family that you can go to, and friends who are too screwed up to be there for you when you truly need them. This post is a message to the most courageous guy I know - a person who has had the guts to unashamedly be who he is, to be the bestest of friends and to be wise way beyond his years. A real life Justin.

I wish you'd have faith in yourself, and see in yourself what I see. It is ridiculous that people with golf courses between their ears have men and women falling at their feet and you (worth ten times their weight in gold), will go through life all alone. I know that the world is full of idiots, but surely, it isn't exclusively full of idiots? There is definitely going to be someone out there, who appreciates sense, reason and maturity. One day, the law of averages has to catch up with you.

Feeling too much and thus getting hurt in the process is a curse that you will always suffer from - anyone capable of genuinely feeling and thinking are in the same boat. You in particular will be alone for a bit longer, because young as you are, you'll have to wait for your generation to catch up with your level of maturity. But hey, look on the bright side - I'm there too, so you're in exalted company!

If somebody doesn't love you, believe me, it's their loss. Any man, or woman, should be so lucky as to have you. Someday - today, tomorrow or twenty years from now - they are going to wake up one morning and realise what they have lost when they let you go.

The key is not to lose hope, or faith. The more you fasten your mask, the longer it takes to heal. It's good to be depressed and wallow in one's misery - believe me, I'm an expert. It also consumes far less energy than putting on a show day in day out (expert in that too). The day you lose faith in yourself is the day that life truly becomes pathetic. Till then, all your life will be is difficult. You can have anyone you want - if you want them bad enough. The trick is not to lose hope, and to work through everything that you could possibly do to make it happen (isn't that what you told me?).

But know yourself. Know that you are worth more than all these other morons who keep hurting you over and over again. Know that your life is just starting, and there is a world of possibilities ahead of you. Know that finally, you have a real shot at making your dreams come true. Know that if you hang on, you will find love.

Till then, my shoulder is there for you anytime you want to cry. Or be depressed. Or to take of your mask and just be yourself.

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Be true to your heart, and true to your conscience.

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