The Shoat Statements

Random musings by the multiple voices inside my head.

In view of how our society is degenerating due evil Western and Indian forces, and how much evil is out there tempting our youth, I've made up a list of things that need to be banned in Sri Lanka, for the betterment of society in general.

Lets all fill up this list, and then petition H.E the president to help us - you all know how he loves publicity, and how he would help us purify Sri Lanka.


1) Mobile phones - our forefathers didn't have them, and see how they built up this country? Therefore, we don't need it either - especially school kids!

2) Washrooms in girl's schools - washroom at schools serves no useful purpose. Its banning would avoid situations like two girls chatting unsupervised (dangerous) or a girl being left alone to her devices (scandalous). Further, the removal of the washroom will teach girls that they should control, nay, deny all natural physical sensations that emanate from their bodies for as long as possible.

3) Girl's schools - it'll better protect our young girls.

4) Private TV stations - no more imported, lustful, violent programmes to lead our youth astray.

5) Pinnawela Orphanage - what use is government institutions if people with power cannot abuse it as and when they wish?

6) Movie theatres and movies - any film that does not promote a life guided by religion is lascivious, and leads our youth astray. Ban the cinema halls, and we will not be faced with such horrors.

7) Private radio stations - refer 'Private TV stations'

8) Ipods - refer 'Private radio stations'

9) Computers, the internet, CDs, DVDs, TV sets, Hi-Fi systems, DVD players etc - refer 'Mobile phones'

10) Odel - this is what teaches our young girls to wear clothes that do not reach their ankles. Oh, the shame of it!

11) Cameras - no ability to take pictures will reduce pornography, which will reduce corruption amongst the youth.

12) Sigiriya - such a relic, bathed in both violence and pornography cannot be a part of our proud history. Those dastardly Indians would have sent it here. Ban it, fast!

13) Pen & paper - this is what the youth use to write love letters. No paper, no temptation.

14) Windows in houses - so our youth will not be tempted by members of the opposite sex who dare walk down the road, attracting unwanted attention.

15) International schools - surely no elaboration is needed?

16) Salons, make up etc - If girls are not tempted make themselves look better, boys will not be tempted to chase girls.

17) Magazines - refer 'mobile phones'.

18) Beach parties - refer 'international schools'

19) The airport - to minimize foreign influence

20) Majestic City - refer 'international schools'

21) Use of steering wheels - this will reduce accidents, and vehicles will become redundant, then we'll have to use bullock carts to travel, so people will stop eating beef!

22) Use of the word 'ducks' - because it sounds funny and we don't want humour corrupting our children.

23) English - then our youth won't be able to understand the proceedings of underground mafia/radio stations/publications and become corrupted by foreign forces.

24) Holidays - idle time is surely when all the degeneration takes place.

25) Ban Ki-moon - no foreigners!

26) Sri Lankan actresses - Anarkali also to be exiled.

27) Public transport - that way no one can get anywhere.

28) Alcohol for anyone below 45 (or maybe 50?) - that way only the head of state and ministers will be able to enjoy the subtle pleasures responsibly.

29) Contraception - that way people won't feel safe having sex, and thus there will be no sex except for purely reproductive purposes (like our noble ancestors Homo Erectus did - take that, Charles Darwin!)

30) Coloured clothes -when people look plain, bland and boring, there will be no temptation. Every pure, holy citizen of Victorian Sri Lanka, and follower of Olcott Buddhism shall wear only white garments of rough texture, that cover every bit of skin from their neck to their finger tips to their toes, to their animal desires.

31) The Isurumuniya lovers - thise lustful, shameless stone statues having sex in public and giving our pure, uncorrupted youth ideas!


We must all unite and preserve our holy, pure culture before it is too late!

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